5-14-2010

& my heart stopped beating.

.but i shall remain optimistic, because promises were made.

i love you, Marlon Anthony Young.

A Good Start

It's been over 24 hours since our last argument or shade fest. Trust me, that's a long time these days. Yesterday, I worked a non-stop 8-hour shift, but before and after, I was talking to Ron. Smiles and laughs were exchanged and I have to admit that it felt good. Still, I won't get too carried away. It is just one day and we have to make it through 26 more days before we reach our actual anniversary.

Though we laughed an whatnot, I have to say that I am slightly worried. I feel like Ron wants me to slip up and get angry with him. He's doing all the little things that he knows get under my skin, but he's doing them... playfully? He will do things to annoy me, then laugh or joke afterwards. I'm not sure how to take it. Is there a laugh to say, "Well, my plan to annoy him didn't work, so I'll just laugh to make it seem like I wasn't really trying to make him get upset." or "He is actually staying calm and his devotion is cute?" Whatever the case may be, I'm not sure why, in the midst of me attempting to save us, he is testing my patience. I guess time will reveal the answers. One day down, 26 more to go.

-Marz

Trouble in Paradise

This blog was created in an effort to help Ron and I vent when we felt like we couldn't talk to each other, which should actually never be the case. That, or when we just felt like letting anything be said about us and/or our relationship. Needless to say, this was long neglected. So, you'd probably assume that we've been communicating effectively and found no use for the blog, right? WRONG-O! Apparently, our relationship is "going down the drain," according to Ron. I wouldn't go that far, but the speedbumps in this road are getting way too frequent, and as the mayors, governors, only citizens in our city of love, it's our job to fix the streets upon which we are driving.

Yeah, we have gotten into arguments over the PETTIEST of things. It's like the smaller problems exist only to become greater threats to what we have. Undoubtedly, Ron and I love each other. There's no one and nothing that can convince us otherwise, but we can't carry on pretending like we aren't slightly annoyed by one another. The biggest issue... TRUST! Ron admitted that I have "every reason" to not completely trust him because of what he's already done to destroy our former relationship. In that, I told him "You can't trust someone who doesn't fully trust you." In short, because I can't/don't completely trust him (at the moment), then I believe he has valid reason to not trust me also.

HERE IT IS! I'm so tired of THIS. I don't want there to be perfection because it's impossible and cannot exist, but I do want stability. There's no reason for me to get on the phone with the person I love and sit in a silence due to annoyance or anger. We shouldn't shade each other subliminally or blatantly.

THE CHALLENGE:

June 8, 2010 will mark our one year anniversary. I made a promise to both Ron and myself that I would stop "trying" to make it work, and just make it work. I'm going to just... DO IT. So from now, until our anniversary, is the moment of truth. I'm not sure what Ron is planning to do, but I gave him the option to continue or stop now to prevent any further delay of the heartache. If there is no change in our state of happiness by or before June 8, then we're done, plain and simple. (no need to sugar coat it) I will get back to this blog daily and tell how things are going.

-Marz

Ugh! I REALLY need/want to

Ugh! I REALLY need/want to blog and I cannot remember the log in info to save my damn life! Why the hell is Ronz still sleep!?