5-14-2010

& my heart stopped beating.

.but i shall remain optimistic, because promises were made.

i love you, Marlon Anthony Young.

A Good Start

It's been over 24 hours since our last argument or shade fest. Trust me, that's a long time these days. Yesterday, I worked a non-stop 8-hour shift, but before and after, I was talking to Ron. Smiles and laughs were exchanged and I have to admit that it felt good. Still, I won't get too carried away. It is just one day and we have to make it through 26 more days before we reach our actual anniversary.

Though we laughed an whatnot, I have to say that I am slightly worried. I feel like Ron wants me to slip up and get angry with him. He's doing all the little things that he knows get under my skin, but he's doing them... playfully? He will do things to annoy me, then laugh or joke afterwards. I'm not sure how to take it. Is there a laugh to say, "Well, my plan to annoy him didn't work, so I'll just laugh to make it seem like I wasn't really trying to make him get upset." or "He is actually staying calm and his devotion is cute?" Whatever the case may be, I'm not sure why, in the midst of me attempting to save us, he is testing my patience. I guess time will reveal the answers. One day down, 26 more to go.

-Marz

Trouble in Paradise

This blog was created in an effort to help Ron and I vent when we felt like we couldn't talk to each other, which should actually never be the case. That, or when we just felt like letting anything be said about us and/or our relationship. Needless to say, this was long neglected. So, you'd probably assume that we've been communicating effectively and found no use for the blog, right? WRONG-O! Apparently, our relationship is "going down the drain," according to Ron. I wouldn't go that far, but the speedbumps in this road are getting way too frequent, and as the mayors, governors, only citizens in our city of love, it's our job to fix the streets upon which we are driving.

Yeah, we have gotten into arguments over the PETTIEST of things. It's like the smaller problems exist only to become greater threats to what we have. Undoubtedly, Ron and I love each other. There's no one and nothing that can convince us otherwise, but we can't carry on pretending like we aren't slightly annoyed by one another. The biggest issue... TRUST! Ron admitted that I have "every reason" to not completely trust him because of what he's already done to destroy our former relationship. In that, I told him "You can't trust someone who doesn't fully trust you." In short, because I can't/don't completely trust him (at the moment), then I believe he has valid reason to not trust me also.

HERE IT IS! I'm so tired of THIS. I don't want there to be perfection because it's impossible and cannot exist, but I do want stability. There's no reason for me to get on the phone with the person I love and sit in a silence due to annoyance or anger. We shouldn't shade each other subliminally or blatantly.

THE CHALLENGE:

June 8, 2010 will mark our one year anniversary. I made a promise to both Ron and myself that I would stop "trying" to make it work, and just make it work. I'm going to just... DO IT. So from now, until our anniversary, is the moment of truth. I'm not sure what Ron is planning to do, but I gave him the option to continue or stop now to prevent any further delay of the heartache. If there is no change in our state of happiness by or before June 8, then we're done, plain and simple. (no need to sugar coat it) I will get back to this blog daily and tell how things are going.

-Marz

Ugh! I REALLY need/want to

Ugh! I REALLY need/want to blog and I cannot remember the log in info to save my damn life! Why the hell is Ronz still sleep!?

it's alive!

WOW! .. So Marz & I have totally neglected the blog.. sorry to our faithful readers -_-

But it's been a crazy buzy week =( ... I started a new job with the Census Bureau and I am working crazy hours & barely have the time to do anything anymore... ( and that includes seeing my babe) ugh I miss him like crazy! I am so fucking tired all the time now, cause I stay up and skype with him as soon as I get home.. =/ .. Speaking of which, he was extra quiet last night, talking about he didn't feel like talking.. and THEN fell asleep on me.. HMPH! ............... 2nd night in a row he did that.... 8-| lls.

But anyways, I'm in the library, just wanted to you guys.. I'll be seeing Marlon this weekend.. PRAISE WHITE BABY JESUS!!

For The Moment... I'm Upset

You say, "I don't care." Funny thing is, you actually do... a lot.

"I'm payin it," is what your mouth is saying but you're going over it a million times in your head.

Don't wait for a problem to become a "problem," before telling me about it. I'm your boyfriend, dammit! This talk has been had a million times before and at the end you promised, no matter how big or small, you would express yourself to me!

Do not half-ass a story to me! I have questions! Give me answers! Don't abruptly change topics in which you know are important to me! If you somehow get saved by bell, when the ringing is done, start where we left off!

I don't ask for perfection because it's too boring! I ask for your thoughts! That's it! YOU'RE the one who puts the emphasis on COMMUNICATION! The people agree that the preacher should live by that which he teaches!

Admittedly, I'm HEATED at the moment! Unnecessary arguments cause the most destruction in this battle!

Tomorrow, I'll be over this... I know it, but for now, this is what's bothering me.

p.s.

All couples argue, fuckers! I still love that guy I call "Ronz"

'See what had happened was..."

It's been a while since I've posted, and Ronz has made the last three posts (my baby is so dedicated lol). Anyways, I have some explaining to do, right? WRONG! I'm not explaining a damn thing lol Seriously, I love this blogging thing so I won't ever slip up like that again. Hmmmm maybe I'll do a really random post next. I guess time will tell. By the way, the night I was "missing," happened to be the night of my study group and my phone was dead. Ron could have and should have called around for me because he would have gotten answers. Still, he was happy knowing that I was safe. :) Yeah, my boyfriend's pretty awesome... when he wants to be. -_- This is all for now... expect a really random post really soon! =]